Powell: As far back as I can remember, I've wanted to run a fast food restaurant.

The year was 1974.

I had just opened my first burger joint.

I liked it.

I was good at it.

And I was startin' to get a reputation.

[ Telephone ringing ] Two scrambled eggs.

King of Burgers.

Yep.

Yep.

That's what they call me.

Sorry, bud.

We don't do deliveries.

Uh, for who?

Ron the Don they called him.

He was the Big Mac, the man everyone loved and feared.

He practically invented the bacon cheeseburger.

And he was quick to becoming the most well-known distributor in the country.

But word on the street was that his methods were less than kosher.

I heard he once forced a manager to stick his hand in the deep-fryer for letting a hair get into a milkshake.

Prince: Hey!

Powell: But even so, he brought home bacon by the quarter pound.

And he wanted to meet me.

Florek: Your burgers are good.

I'll give you that.

Powell: Thank you.

Florek: Your fries could use some work.

Let me ask you a question.

What would you rather eat -- breast, leg, wing?

Makes you think of body parts.

Wait.

What does the word... "nugget" make you think of?

Gold.

Once we introduce these, they'll be eating out of our hands.

I'll franchise your business, locations all over the country, even in Mexico.

All you have to do is go for the gold.

Do you, uh -- Do you know what I mean?

Attaboy.

Now work on them fries.

Powell: Yes, yes.

I'll -- I'll do that.

[ Both laugh ] Just a lot of salt, or...?

Florek: Just work on the fries.

Powell: Okay.

And just like that, I became his wingman.

We started coming up with all sorts of concoctions -- the stopper with double cheese the big stack covered in special sauce, senior quadruple bacon burger, the superior double deep-fried crispy steak hamburger with triple cheese.

It went on and on.

And the people loved every bite of it.

They couldn't get enough, and neither could we.

The money came pouring in like an extra large double diet soda.

No one could touch us.

We were livin' the dream.

[ Laughter ] Seven: You're a funny guy.

Florek: Funny how?

Seven: Just -- Just -- You're funny.

Florek: All right.

Let -- Let me understand this.

You know, maybe it's just me.

But funny how?

Because I'm a clown?

I make you laugh?

I amuse you?

[ Laughter ] Powell: I even got the girl.

[ Laughter ] Everyone wanted a slice.

Everywhere, people started their own chains -- Zach in the Box, FC Cake, Pizza Hat, Taco Shell.

The list was endless.

But they all moved through us.

And if they didn't...

But soon, it seemed we'd bitten off more than we could chew.

Our demand was as big as our customers.

Before long, the media was blaming us for thousands of deaths -- heart disease, diabetes, obesity.

We became the scapegoats.

But no matter how bad the food got, they always came back for more.

After all, the customer's always right.

Florek: Hey, King!

[ Laughs ] Powell: Well, it's been too long, old friend.

Florek: Yeah.

Yeah.

You look good.

Powell: Wish I could say the same.

Looks like you've been eatin' some of those nuggets.

Florek: [ Laughs ] Come on.

Come on.

Let's play a little 8 Ball.

How's Wendy?

Powell: Uh... Actually, she's, um -- She's got a bun in the oven.

Florek: No kiddin'.

Powell: Yeah.

Florek: Oh, I'm so happy for you, King.

That's great.

Powell: Yeah.

Florek: Kids.

I always hoped I'd have some nuggets of my own.

You know, King, the business is due for a change.

Big stuff.

Powell: Yeah?

What have you got in mind?

Florek: That's a whole new line of products.

I'm gonna call it a kid's meal -- smaller portions, more sugar, and best of all, a toy inside.

Powell: What, you want to start sellin' to kids now?

Florek: I want it to be a family restaurant.

Powell: What are you tryin' to do?

Get 'em hooked early?

Florek: No, it's not just about getting them hooked early.

It's about breeding a generation that never learns the difference between fast food and real food.

[ Chuckling ] I mean, come on, King.

Since when do you give a crap about these fat, little [bleep] Powell: You know, now I know why everyone calls you a [bleep] damn clown.

Florek: Hey!

[ Laughs ] Let's just, uh, have a happy meal.

All right?

It's not like you'll be doing anything much different than you did before.

We'll make a fortune.

We'll be billionaires.

Powell: You know, you ask me to make larger portions, I do it.

You ask me to use pink filler to save on meat, you got it.

But this -- You're asking me to poison children.

Florek: [ Sighs, chuckles ] Okay, King.

Have it your way.

But you know what this means.

Now, get the [bleep] out of my house.

[ Pool cue clatters ] Powell: I knew I was on my own.

[ Roars ] I was just a small fry fighting an entire order.

[ Gunfire on TV ] Ron!

[ Thunder crashes ] Florek: After all these years, this is the thanks I get?

Huh?

I made you!

Powell: You left me no choice!

Florek: Everything you have is because of me -- your house, your money, Wendy!

[ Gun clicking ] Oh, give me more!

I'm lovin' it!

[ Gun cocks ] [ Toy squeaks ] [ Thud ] Man: [ Imitating gunfire ] [ Imitating sad music, gunfire ] [ Thunder rumbling ] [ Tires screeching ] [ Engine shuts off ] [ Doorbell chimes ] Todhunter: Evening.

Raoul: Evening.

Can I help you find somethin'?

Todhunter: Oh, I don't think so.

Thank you, ma'am.

Raoul: How's it lookin' out there?

Big storm on the way.

[ Chuckles ] That's what I hear.

Lord, I hope Great Pond doesn't freeze over again.

Oh.

Todhunter: $30 on pump one, and these.

Raoul: Special night?

Todhunter: I'm sorry?

Raoul: Mm?

[ Chuckles ] Todhunter: Oh, uh, yeah, yes.

Really, really special.

Raoul: Say no more.

[ Chuckles ] Uh, you got an Extra Value card?

Todhunter: No.

Raoul: Well, you could save 10% on your purchase if you have an Extra Value card which is, uh, roughly about $1.50, enough for a Hershey bar or a Mars bar.

Todhunter: I think I'm all set.

Raoul: You get all kinds of coupons and gifts, free gifts.

Todhunter: You know, I'm -- I'm actually in a little bit of a rush tonight, so... if you could just -- Raoul: Right.

Todhunter: Thank you.

Raoul: I will just scan you on the store card.

Todhunter: Great.

Wait, what?

Really?

Raoul: Uh-huh.

There we go.

[ Laughs ] I'll say -- [ Clears throat ] [ Laughing ] Oh.

I forgot to scan everything.

Ah, one coil rope.

One roll of duct tape.

I never knew why they called it that.

There we are.

$30 in gas, and one Extra Value card.

[ Machine beeping ] Oh, man.

Look at all those Extra Value savings -- two-for-one hand sanitizer, two-for-one toilet paper, three-for-one Aquafina bottled -- Todhunter: Can I -- Can I just pay?

Raoul: What?

N-No, not until the coupons are done.

Oh.

[ Laughing ] You have hit the jackpot.

You're gonna need an extra bag for all these savings.

[ Machine beeps ] Oh.

Ohh.

Todhunter: What?

Raoul: Out of paper.

Todhunter: What?

Raoul: Just a sec.

[ Doorbell chimes ] Leland: [ Sighs ] [ Sniffs, yawns ] [ Sighs ] Raoul: [ Muffled ] Is that Officer Murph I hear?

Leland: You know it is!

Just grabbin' a frosty-roo and a snack!

Raoul: You big troublemaker!

Leland: [ Groaning, yawning ] Long day.

Long!

I took the new Sea-Doo out for a spin -- 310 horsepower, black chrome, fast.

Nearly got stranded in the middle of Great Pond!

Damn thing ran out of fuel on me.

Raoul: For heaven's sake, you know you can't swim!

Leland: Well, I can sure as hell float.

[ Sighs ] Special night?

Todhunter: I'm sorry?

Raoul: There we go.

All right.

[ Sighs ] Well, would you look at that?

15% off nail polish.

Leland: Whoa.

Todhunter: Well, I better be off.

Leland: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Not so fast, there, cowboy.

Um, next time, use a neck tie.

Go get 'em!

[ Doorbell chimes ] Raoul: [ Laughing ] Murph, you salty dog.

Leland: Takes one to know one!

Raoul: [ Chuckles ] Did he pay?

Leland: Son of a [bleep] Raoul: Aah!

Leland: Aah!

Don't worry!

You're safe with me!

Raoul: Oh, watch it, Murph.

Oh!

Oh, no.

No.

[ Thunder rumbling ] [ Muffled screaming ] [ Chuckles ] You naughty thing.

[ Chuckles ] [ Thunder crashes ] [ Water running ] [ Faucet squeaks, water shuts off ] Shah: Pull yourself together, Amanda.

[ Sighs ] Dreyfuss: What's up?

What's with the 911?

Shah: I'm having a bit of a dilemma.

Dreyfuss: What's got your little panties in a bunch?

Shah: Kelly, the girl I went on a blind date with -- Dreyfuss: Oh, God.

Please stop it.

Shah: It's been two weeks since our first date.

And I want to ask her out on a second date.

Dreyfuss: Okay, great.

Great.

Shah: But the thing is... she's beautiful.

I mean, you should see her -- her legs, her hair, her eyes, her smile.

And the best of all, remember what I said what my perfect girl had to be?

Dreyfuss: Oh, yeah!

Yeah, I remember this.

Shah: So, what do you do?

Gorney: I'm a stripper.

Shah: I don't -- I never said that.

Dreyfuss: But it would be awesome.

You know, for you, because the stamina and the flexibility.

Shah: No.

Dreyfuss: No?

All right.

Uh... Oh, yeah.

No, I remember this.

Shah: So, what do you do?

Gorney: I'm actually the sous chef at the Redbury Hotel on Hollywood and Vine.

Dreyfuss: Gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches whenever we want 'em.

Whenever you want them.

Shah: Homemade tuna tartare on a perfectly crisp sesame cracker.

Dreyfuss: Aw, you have to marry this girl, you know, for both of our sakes.

Shah: She's perfect.

Dreyfuss: So what's the problem?

Shah: [ Sighs ] Before the actual coffee, we shared an awkward meeting.

Oh, hi.

She held out her hand.

I was going in for the hug.

But I took her hand anyway.

And her earring got caught in my hair.

Gorney: Ow, ow, ow.

Shah: It was a hot mess.

Dreyfuss: So you took her, and you shook her?

Shah: I'm an idiot.

Dreyfuss: No, come on.

You were just nervous.

Shah: That's not all.

[ Sneezes ] Dreyfuss: [ Laughs ] Shah: Stop laughing!

You know my nose is sensitive to perfumes!

Dreyfuss: Oh, just text her, Amanda.

Shah: I'm such a dork.

She would never go out with me again.

Dreyfuss: Oh, God.

[ Chuckles awkwardly ] Don't do that.

No, you're fine.

Come on!

You were just nervous.

She's gonna understand.

And, hey, it's not as bad as that one girl.

What was her name?

Melinda, Miranda, the one with the pussy?

Shah: Monica?

Dreyfuss: Monica!

Oh, that was worst.

[ Laughs ] Shah: I told you.

Her cat committed suicide.

I had nothing to do with that.

Dreyfuss: Yeah, you tell that to your insurance company.

Shah: You know what?

Screw you!

I'm just gonna shoot her a text right now.

And it's going to be perfect.

Dreyfuss: Yeah, let's see this.

Come on now.

Shah: Okay.

"Hey, whatcha doin'?

You so fine."

Dreyfuss: What's yo sign?

[ Both laugh ] Shah: Okay.

Okay.

Really now.

"I really want to see you again.

How does Friday night at 8:00 sound?"

Dreyfuss: Perfect, sexy, simple.

[ Cellphone chimes, clatters ] [ Whispering ] No freakin' way!

Shah: [ Whispering ] Could it be?

Dreyfuss: You got to call her.

Call her!

See if it rings in here!

You call her!

Come on.

[ Beeping, ringing ] [ Laughing ] Oh, man.

[ Cellphone ringing ] Bummer.

Shah: Can you go?

Dreyfuss: I'm not gonna go.

This is not my problem.

[ Both whispering indistinctly ] You better go.

You go!

Shah: You go!

You go!

Dreyfuss: You go over there right now.

You go!

Go!

Shah: Okay.

Gorney: Hi.

Shah: Hi.

Um... what brings you to my workplace restroom?

Gorney: I'm really sorry if this seems a little crazy.

But you told me where you worked on our date.

And I haven't heard from you in a while.

I just thought I'd stop by and surprise you for lunch.

And your assistant said you were in a meeting.

I was gonna wait for you to get done.

And as we would have it...

I had to pee.

Shah: That's very sweet.

But, um... did you by any chance hear that horrible conversation?

Gorney: No.

I especially didn't hear the part about how you ran over a cat or your friend thinks I'm a stripper.

Shah: Ah, well, I'm gonna go run in front of a bus now.

Gorney: Wait.

Um, maybe I can make you a grilled cheese sandwich on Friday.

Shah: What?

Uh, I-I mean, yes.

Of course.

Friday.

Gorney: Okay.

Shah: Okay.

Gorney: Wait.

Um, for the record, I like dorky.

[ Squeak, water splashes ] Shah: Ugh.

Great.

[ Video game beeping ] Bennett: Really?

Seriously?

[ Cat meows ] Why are you such a butt?

[ Door shuts ] [ Computer beeping, humming ] [ Cat meowing, echoin ] [ Cat meows ] [ Click ] [ "Space Babe" playing ] [ Music stops ] [ Angelic music plays ] [ Cat purring ] [ Cat meows ] What's with all the n-- [ Gasps ] Don't.

You.

Dare.